#i dont know many people irl to discuss this with either so it was really nice to hear from someone!

[scarletspider-lily]

like my parents are homophobic and transphobic (i dont know if ill ever come out to them to be honest) and i wonder how much of that is the fundamentalist christianity and how much of that is like. more conservative asian culture yk? sorry how rambly this got btw i dont know a lot of ppl irl who i'd be able to discuss this w/. i hope it doesn't come across as aggressive or ill-intentioned or anything!!

I think about this a lot too, and also tysm for this ask you're my first ask ever ily and i hope youre staying safe and well to the best of your ability!

I wonder this so much too, it's slightly confusing to think about. i dont have any hard answers because i am not an expert on cultures (if someone looks more into this stuff, i would appreciate your input in replies) but part of me wonders how things came to be, like i know christianity has been passed down for at least 2 generations in my family, so i wonder if the part of asian culture that values conformity and holding to tradition kept that alive more than anything else. not to mention the value of family, expectations of conformity for safety, and the fear of hell, combining to make a disastrous "I GOTTA PRAY AND GO TO CHURCH AND CONVERT MY FAMILY OR THEY'RE ALL GOING TO HELL" mentality...

i think modern day christianity can be big in some asian cultures (colonization aside) due to the conservative aspects. in fact, i think many asian families are affected by conservative christian rhetoric even if they aren't christian themselves, because of the influence of evangelism on the world. western conservative ideals and evangelical christianity do have a MASSIVE overlap, so thats one thing. i personally think its a mix of both conservative ideals and extreme religion, more of a big circle than a venn diagram. i feel like extreme christianity is something many asian families would find appealing for this reason, so its sort of a "did the chicken come first, or the egg?" situation- i think conservative values may have hit certain asian cultures first, and colonization also may have impacted this (depending on the asian culture, obviously. India had a change in modesty with clothes post colonization for example), and christianity was appealing after that sort of cultural shift and still is because many asian countries remain conservative in certain facets of their ideology and culture, and evangelical christianity is simply a functioning vessel for that. tldr, evangelical christianity can be used to justify conservative ideals in asian households, adding to the appeal of the religion as it also promises safety and comfort.

[sky-is-the-limit]

I like König purely becuase tall masked man but Gaz. Our man Gaz. He's beautiful. He's committed to what he believes in and he delivers some good one liners. In my eyes it's the same shit different fandom. Whenever a popular piece of media gains traction the only poc characters mysteriously disappear. I want to make it clear to the finicky people of fandoms you don't have to read or write or draw characters you don't like.That being said a discussion needs to be had about how fandoms often treat poc characters. To see people replace the main character with someone not even evolved in the main campaign is mind boggling. "But I don't know Gaz well enough" then you don't know Price well enough seeing as they're with each other most of the campaign. "But the actors sexuality" let me tell yall now how yall don't care. There's plenty of actors whose characters you write for are married with whole ass families or of a different sexuality and you still write their characters ignoring those facts. Yall didn't care before and yall dont care now don't try and act like you have some sort of upper ground. If you're not attracted to Gaz that's fine no one is forcing you to be. But completely writing out his character or not including him in TF 141 edits is mad. There's plenty of fics I've read where Gaz is not the main love interest but more of a friend/brotherly figure but at least he is there and the writer does his character justice. But I will say the Gaz fics are some of the fluffiest ones I've read. Real heart warming stuff.

AMEN. I also thirst after König because he's a big masked man, I devour all the smut content and the edits, I'm as thirsty as the next hoe in this place, there's nothing wrong with thirsting after König or Keegan or whoever else. There's also nothing wrong with NOT thirsting after Gaz, like no one is forcing someone to like a character they don't, that's just stupid. Also if you haven't played the games because you don't have access to do so or even don't want to that's totally valid and fine, many people read the wikis/watch vids/engage with the fandom and that's really cool to see, even if you're just here to thirst, been there done that.

With that being said, the stupid excuses that raise concern in this fandom are totally valid to be talked about. 1) "I'm not attracted to Gaz/I don't add him in 141 thirst content because Elliot is gay" What does the actor's sexuality have to do with the character? As far as I know Gaz' sexuality is nowhere discussed or confirmed, same way for the rest of the characters so why on earth does Elliot's sexuality matter in this context?

I don't see this being a big deal to people who ship Ghost x Soap since Neil and Samuel are only involved with women irl because guess what? It.doesn't.matter. They're ACTORS. Their personal lives have nothing to do with the characters they portray so why is it only an issue when it comes to Gaz/Elliot?

2) "I don't know him well enough." From that it's clear that you haven't played the games cause Gaz is literally who you play as in both MW1/MW2 so you know him as much as Price and MORE than Ghost or Soap. Which again, it's totally fine but when it's paired with König who you literally don't know cause that mf has only 1 paragraph on his wiki and the only thing said about him is that he had anxiety growing up (that some people infantilize and it's weird) in freaking 141 content that he has NOTHING to do with but leave out the first member of TF141 then...?

I've had many people under my posts commenting that the way some people treat Gaz in this fandom feels kinda racist and I admit this was not my initial thought due to me being privileged enough to not have it as such but after reading all these comments it does seem that way for some (like I said many do it due to either thirsting after masked men or haven't played/bothered with the games) and it's not fucking okay cause that goes further than fiction (someone said that 'oh they're fictional, they don't care if they're included or not' yeah Emily but you're excluding a 141 member from 141 content who happens to be a poc and his VA/FA is a gay man so let's talk about it.)

To the people who get annoyed/upset that I talk about this as if I don't have the right to, if you're in a fandom you can talk about the things you don't like/criticise certain behaviour without it being "such a big deal" since we're talking about fictional characters, when people are engaging with a fandom, spend hours reading/watching/playing content, they're also allowed to talk about things they don't like in said fandom. Relax.

Anyway, stan Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick cause he's the coolest mf in MW ✌️

[cartoonrival]

Nrto/Brto for 3 10 & 17?

bro literally the wider naruto fandom sucks so bad idek where to begin

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

i dont have a specific example so instead im gonna give a general gripe about a trend that ive seen in many takes over time

the black and white thinking and refusal to think for half a second about characters other than ur faves Reminds Me Of Something!real ones know. the way people talk about any character with any sort of greyness to their morality kinda makes me crazy and i lowkey think ppl bring up kishimoto TOO MUCH in their discussion of the storys themes bc while obviously like its important to talk abt WHY he wrote it the way he did esp wrt nationalism and all, i think also it sort of dulls ur ability to think anything complex about it if u blame everything u dont like or think was "sloppily done" on kishimoto. judging every character based on kishimoto's morals instead of their own if that makes sense? its not like "the wrong way to do things" i just personally find it really boring when thats the only way youll look at a text. like no wonder you guys are constantly making jokes about how naruto sucks and you'd never recommend it, you wont even allow yourselves to think about the story as its own piece of art beyond just "kishimoto wrote it this way because he sucks" like do you ever think maybe youre killing some of the fun of media analysis... i think its why so many people hate sakura or kakashi or itachi or anyone else. and this always comes out in the way ppl characterize bc theyre like Um I've Fixed Them :) and then its the blandest shit ever because you absolutely refuse to work even slightly WITH the story you claim to love, only fighting tooth and nail against it.

some examples of what i mean w this: basically any conversation about itachi that tries to categorize him as either good or bad. basically any conversation about sakura that tries to do literally anything or nothing with her. people making sns blandly romantic as if the insane and inventive ways they talk about their feelings for each other in canon isnt genuinely part of what makes it so maddeningly fascinating and awesome. anyone who thinks kakashi is a bad teacher. its just this refusal to meet the characters where they are and think of anything in terms of the text itself rather than exclusively in a meta way, ie "this is how it would be if it was good." no its not. you just made it how it would be if it was bland and obvious. dont you literally think the fact that the guy writing it was accidentally writing his characters to be struggling against the same shit that he was struggling against irl and struggling to keep Out of his writing is like. wildly fascinating and part of waht makes the story intersting to pick apart. but ok. this also applies to aspects of boruto primarily sasusaku and naruhina marriages. no one gets it like i doooooo

10. worst part of fanon

everybodys always shipping kakashi with someone and its never even guy. if youre gonna ship kakashi it had better fucking be with guy bc theres gen srs no one else he would be caught dead romancing with and i cant even see how you could read any of his other relationships as romantic. he doesnt even HAVE a relationship with iruka. i get that not every ship has to have canon support but its all either 1) literally not even interesting to think about or 2) what they have actually going on is way more interesting but see my response to question 3. its the same with gaara honestly the more i think about it the more annoyed i get about the ignorance surrounding just-short-of-canon aroace gaara ToT like if u didnt know then ok... but you should learn because its awesome. i just thinking the shipping culture in the fandom is annoying like everyone has to be shipped with someone and that seems to come before their genuinely interesting relationships. and those genuinely interesting relationships are sanded down into something normal. idk this is a gripe that goes w Many Many fandoms but i feel like w naruto its particularly bad largely on account of See Previous Answer. ppl are like "its written this way bc kishimoto is homophobic i will fix this" then they make it suck because shockingly ik kishi actually wrote a good as fuck story if deeply flawed

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

ill be fr i dont gen seek out fics or art independently to be 100% sure that stuff i'd be looking for isn't out there somewhere. but i think ppl really really should just. think about sakura more. i literally love her sm but ppl won't think abt her beyond either 1) she sucks and i hate her (but this is because of kishimoto's writing and has nothing to do with me! if i rewrote naruto then she wouldn't be there 😌 this is a kindness to her and not because i cant be assed to think about a woman for 5 seconds) or 2) girlboss!!!! like.... is that scene in the land of iron not BIBLICAL to anyone else....??? is her devotion to someone she's lost faith in out of loyalty to someone she loves and is losing her ability to understand not FASCINATING???? TO ANYONE ELSE???? IS THE WAY SHE PICKS UP THE TRAITS OF HER TEACHER THAT HE SPECIFICALLY IS NOT MEANING TO PASS ON TO HER NOT HEARTWRENCHING???????? you people suck. instead you write ooc sns over and over and draw kakashi without his mask kissing fucking obito

[zairas-realm-gateway]

when bege met with sanji, he specifically said that he would be marrying the 35th daughter of the charlotte family AND says her name is pudding. he has a nasty history of being perverted towards teenage girls after the timeskip (he literally Turns To Stone upon seeing shirahoshi, who is only 16) and his attitude with pudding is no exception (she even comments on his perversion during the wedding ceremony. there was no "brainwashing" involved, he is just a perv.)

im a sanji fan myself, but you can't turn a blind eye from his behavior towards teenage girls. he is 21 years old in canon after the timeskip. pudding being "mentally 18" is such a gross way to explain why sanji might view her as older than she really is and as someone who was groomed by a pedophile for acting older than i actually was at the time, that phrasing sets off so many red flags in my head.

im not necessarily saying sanji is a pedophile (because i truly dont believe that he is given his attraction to All women and 16 is the lowest age hes acted like that towards), but it is still extremely weird of him and people making fun of him or criticizing that aspect of him is perfectly fine and you shouldn't take it as a personal thing. that is just how oda wrote him. (but hey at least he's not kyros or vander decken who genuinely ARE pedophiles.)

You make some good points.

Alright, I'll take the correction on Bege telling him her name. But that still doesn't give any other details. Sanji isn't told her age, occupation, baking skills, etc.

I have a lot to say on his intricate and nuanced forced relationship with Pudding.

Long post and discussion under the cut

As for for the history with teenage girls post-ts, I think it's just Shirahoshi??? And while I'm not saying that's good, I will say that I am conflicted on some of the characterization in Fishman Island. I haven't read it in a long time so I'm just working off what I remember here. While the plot of Fishman Island is great, I always have some issues with the arc itself. It always feels a little off to me. Like some of the characterizations are just a little wonky here and there throughout the entire arc. It feels like Oda forgot how to write a few characters. It also feels like he's using that arc to see how far he wants to push new gags or personality aspects he's trying to work with after the IRL mini timeskip. Like he doesn't quite know just yet who some of the straw hats are after their time skip. I'm not saying that excuses Sanji's behavior, I'm just saying it makes me conflicted over the legitimacy of Sanji's personality in that arc. Because like Oda doesn't use the "almost die from bloodloss gag" again after fishman island either so it just always kinda feels like Oda was fumbling around in the dark with Sanji (as well as a few others) in Fishman Island. That's just me, though.

As for Sanji being obsessed with Shirahoshi's beauty, wasn't that like the whole thing with her? Wasn't like the entire country obsessed with how pretty she was? I could be mistaken but I thought I remember the citizens being enamored by her as well. I ain't saying it makes it better, I'm just saying that Oda made that a weird prominent detail if I'm remembering it right.

And I didn't say that that Pudding was "mentally 18" nor do I think she is, I said that she could be mistaken for 18 in a quick meeting. Meaning he wouldn't question her age as he actually barely got to talk to her at all. I think he only ever spoke to her like 2-3 times and never for very long or unchaperoned (judging by how Pudding talked about Sanji). Especially since Pudding is an excellent actor and is actively manipulating Sanji in a specific way that Big Mom has coached her to do. Neither family cared if Sanji and Pudding liked each other or cared about what was healthy for them so they would have no reason to let them interact for very long. As someone who was emotionally abused by my mother, when I was a teenage I took on personality traits and speaking patterns of someone older than myself (a common problem with emotional abuse). People often mistook me for being older than I actually was in short conversations. If Sanji never had any actual long conversations with Pudding, he'd have no clue that's she's not actually 18. While this doesn't make things right, it would explain some behaviors.

He doesn't actually want anything to do with her. He just wants to go home.

As for what I consider Sanji basically brainwashing himself is just him talking himself into an obsessive and possibly dissociative mindset. Sanji's under so much duress and his mental health is so incredibly fractured right now that if he's going to survive, his only option is to construct a dreamworld so far out of reality that he's actually happy and in love with Pudding.

Because of the sudden influx of trauma, stress, and crippling hopelessness, Sanji's grasp on reality is quickly crumbling. He needs to take any handhold he can grab. The only handhold he's allowed to take is Pudding. He calls her his "Ray of Hope". And because of this, he throws himself so hard into her orbit that he goes to the extreme of being creepy because now his only grasp on reality is Pudding.

This protective delusional headspace he's in is so strong (again, common for people who have suffered severe trauma and abuse) that he stays in it until he sees her eye. Because he if didn't have this headspace to keep him "calm" beside his would-be murderer, the wedding ceremony on the cake may have ended in actual disaster. And all their plans would be ruined.

After he gets through to Pudding by calling her eye beautiful, the very real danger of him being murdered is gone and he's released from his protective headspace. Which explains why he's so platonic towards her during the escape and all the cake baking despite the fact that she's constantly melting when he even looks at her.

What I am saying is that if Sanji called out for simping on teenage girls was a definable trend in his personality, why is he never all over Carrot? From what I remember (and I could be wrong), he only ever treats her like a little sister. She's young and pretty but still in Zou Sanji simps over the adult women minks rather than Carrot, despite her platonically being all over him (minks are just very affectionate). Hell, he seeks out Pedro more than Carrot.

I'm not saying that Sanji shouldn't be called out for being a fucking perverted idiot. Because he is one. I'm just saying that it pisses me off when people write him off as a one-note creep not worth thinking about instead of taking the time to understand that Sanji is extremely nuanced far outside his single trait of being horny.

I will say that Sanji can be creepy but I don't get the vibe from him about being an active creep specifically towards teenage girls. Especially since he seems to prefer more mature women like Robin, Kiku, Viola or frightening women like Nami.

As for me taking things personally and getting physically ill. That's just me being stupid and having severe rejection sensitivity when it comes to Sanji. I wish it'd go away.

I think it all boils down to Oda having sus choices in character ages... It would have changed literally nothing if he had just made Pudding 18.

[kuunibal]

hi, it's 💌 anon. surprise! :D i know i should have made the reveal a bit more surprising but i dont mind this either.

so i have come to you for some advice <33 i have to write some yandere characters, but im not very sure how to write them, per se without crossing any lines. do you have any input?

sincerely, 💌

Hello, Atlas! It is a lovely reveal, don't worry! I hope you don't mind me looking through your blog a little. I really ought to play more Genshin once I get a new phone or computer that will run it without overheating haha (my favourite character is Zhongli, although I am pretty unfamiliar with the lore).

I think as long as you are not fetishizing mental illnesses or depicting the people that have them as completely crazy, selfish, and amoral, you are fine when it comes to major line crossing. A lot of yan traits overlap with mental illnesses, which is why many in the irl yan community use it as a coping mechanism and way to vent. This is especially true with Cluster B and C personality disorders, which are stigmatized enough as is.

A pet peeve of mine when it comes to fictionalised yanderes is that oftentimes they are wholly possessive, obsessive, and/or murderous without detailing who they are as a person outside of those traits, or how they feel about their thoughts and actions (metacognition). My suggestion is to write the character first before you add the yandere traits in relation to their personality.

Here are some resources and blogs that may be of interest when it comes to writing yanderes in general. Note that I did not screen all of their contents:

Discusses how to write certain things well, yandere types, etc. It is very extensive and focused on the writing itself, so I recommend it. (Not my doc, taken from a popular Reddit thread)

General tips on writing a yandere's perception and thoughts, which is crucial if you're writing them in the first person.

@thatyanderecritic Masterlist of yandere analysis, good general reference.

@maleyanderecafe Masterlist of yandere analysis, mostly focused on different yan types and scenarios.

Extremely detailed and underrated yandere typology guide and diagram.

[single-malt-scotch]

w the last of the episodes for the crossover rolling in i just wanted to write a mega long blog about my thoughts from the past two months of it!

well the last two months has certainly been a Lot more than i expected, after thinking i wasnt going to follow the crossover too hard. but i guess it was hard to avoid if i wanted to watch any new content from the people i typically watch so.... yeah, i mean i dont regret that nor did i dislike doing that-- the Empires server was certainly not my type of thing but i managed to find people i enjoyed watching, and has people got more comfortable i was more eager to see them play together anyways.

it seemed like the last two months were a bit chaotic in many ways though- its a shame some folk didnt get videos out due to being sick, but there was so much happening anyways i think i would have felt even more overwhelmed if there was much more happening already.

but anyways... on the specific sides of the crossover and what my take away has been...

I have come away from Empires with a few new subscriptions- primarily i expect to check in w people like fwhip and pixlriffs, i enjoyed their styles and the way they leaned a little less on in character banter and their live streams were things i popped into during all this. there are people i dont think ill watch consistently but i enjoyed their personalities a lot- mythicalsausage being one for sure, and there were definitely others i found very funny alongside other players too. overall it was great exposure, even if i dont expect myself to watch loads of new people now, i do look forward to potential collaborations.

For the first half of the crossover i really loved the concept of the hermit tower, and a giant collab between everyone was really great to see- my only gripe is that i wish we actually got to see some of the planning and discussion around the conclusion they came out. i think early on i mentioned collabs, and how in old smp i loved the live building/planning together. while i get a lot of that is cut for videos, i think wished we'd seen a bit of it in streams or something- most streams i watched (and i did catch a lot) had people on their lonesome when adding to the tower. despite that- its not to say it was a bad idea, it was fun see everyone make that monstrosity. Everyone meshed pretty well with the RPing side of the empires in a way that wasnt unnatural, and i liked seeing some folk get more into it as well. i know i tend to say i dont like "RP" in mcyt, but it just has to do w the audience intended, or their style. Empires has a variety of tone.... some ppl are very aimed at children, some not as much. so it just depends on who I want to deal with lol.

the timing of going back to HC was well timed because i was definitely at the point of wanting to see normal HC again. and while it felt shorter (even though it wasnt, exactly- maybe by a week) i have probably enjoyed it far more just because its the casual meta kind of smp i am used to. i liked that pretty much every empires person was able to drop the hard RP stuff during this period too- mostly lol. i mean in the sense that, even those who did were still very casual overall.

i think the second phase still suffered a bit from... lack of actual content regarding the village being built (which yes again, i know of the stuff that was on stream. but that still wasnt all of it), but coming to to xmas i can see many ppl are not able to squeeze in videos right now either. i feel the timing was good and bad-- fun holiday stuff to do in game, but also lots of IRL stuff, and also sick season...

regardless its been a wild two months to follow- it was exciting getting exposed to so much stuff i wouldnt normally look into. and i could just tell how much fun everyone was having, which made it all the more enjoyable.

[superjumpintomyheart]

North California but Nori asks what the fuck North California is and Callie doesn't know either apparently some Squid Sisters fan (who was also a huge history nerd) started calling them that and it just stuck

Oh yeah wonder how the public react to Nori and the rumors of her relationship with Callie

oh my god wait- i love this so much

(this ended up a little long im gonna cut it just for my own peace of mind enjoy some headcanons)

first off ppl are so excited to see callie going out so much in public just casually and squid sisters fans are like "yes please give us these crumbs of content our first new single in 5 years callie we love u"

then once they get over the fact that seeing callie in public isn't all that rare anymore they notice that she's hanging out with a very tall punk/goth octoling and everyone starts speculating 👀

i just know the tabloids would put out "callie's secret forbidden love?!?!? read more on pg. 5!" articles in their magazines and on the cover for clickbait but... irl.. what is tht called.... irl clickbait....

anyways its mostly the fans who are curious as to who this mysterious octoling is and how callie met her cause it's not someone who has previously been associated with her or the squid sisters yknow

many people are wondering if Nori is like a squid sisters fan that callie is interested in which makes all the celebrity crush bitches go crazy

most fans are genuinely really excited that callie seems so happy and when she's seen with nori clinging onto her arm or hand or touching her jacket the shippers are like "omg this is a huge hint they are absolutely dating" but like, they aren't trying to hide it or anything LMAO callie just doesn't talk to paparazzi

eventually callie would post something on inkstagram like a pic of her and nori together with a heart as the caption and then everyone goes on a deep dive to figure out who nori is, which leads them to finding out her name and basic info like that

someone opens like a discussion post on like... r/squidsisters (LOL im having so much fun with splatoon social media) and its a post like "what is the ship name of callie and her girlfriend nori?" and people in the comments go off about what they think is the best

until this one nerdy squid gets like 100k upvotes and 12 awards for commenting about ancient mammalian history, explaining the prehistoric territories of the "California" state and how they were often referred to as "North California" or "South California" but many people shortened "California" to just "Cali." Also, due to a famous human at the time having a child named "North" who they nicknamed "Nori" the elongated version of Nori(the octoling)'s name would be North, and Callie's could elongate to California and their ship name would be "North California" as a reference to the long gone region.

squid sisters fans take to this idea very well, they begin making ship edits, fanart, fanfics, etc for North California, enough to the point that Nori sees some of it one day

She asks callie what "North California" translates to in octarian, thinking its some kind of inkling phrase she doesn't understand, but callie is like "no babe i dont know what that is either uhh let me try looking it up"

so callie goes on the hunt and tracks down the original post where the comment was made explaining the idea behind the ship name and she thinks its really creative and cool!! she explains the whole thing to nori who is... mostly just confused.

"Ship name? Why are we named together? I am Nori, you are Callie, it is 'Nori and Callie' if we have names together, no?"

"Ship names are mostly for fans, they like to imagine people together so when they talk about them or post about them online it's like a way for them to easily find content I guess! usually they mash the two names together but in this case they got creative. It's just for fun, so apparently we're North California now!"

"Oh, our name for fun, North California. Weird, but I like it."

Nori posts later on her inkstagram thats a pic of her and callie and captions it something like "North California here." and the fans absolutely LOSE IT

"THEY KNOW ABOUT THEIR SHIP NAME?!?!?"

"who told the squid sister and her gf about their ship name"

"OMG North California CONFIRRMED??!?!?! IM SHAKING IN M Y BOOTS"

"i stopped my tableturf battle for this im witnessing history"

and callie comments like "the north to my Cali <3" and her and nori sit there cackling from reading all the fangirls replies

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 7]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, fingering, daddy!kink, dirty talk, ‘cuz you can touch touch me~ 😏 ur gonna need to imagine headband/bandana wearing left&right cheol for this cuz that’s the fantasy i was imagining for this chapter the entire time i was writing it hehe 🍒 quick apologies to anyone who thinks this is moving a little slow 😩 I literally don’t know how to shut up and I end up writing too much LMAO and as always, thank you for the continued interest! Have a great weekend bbys! 💕 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - ?

dom.cheol has donated $400

therealchan99: yea this is about right on course

dom.cheol: what, did u miss me? 😏

gentleman_josh95: loosely

chwenon: more like the obscenely large donations were missing lolol

You jokingly roll your eyes, exhaling deeply as you push your toys off to the side of the bed. You’d just finished your Saturday show without a hitch, albeit feeling a little lonely. “Aww, c’mon you guys! Don’t tease~” Glancing around the room, it did feel a little odd to you now that Seungcheol wasn’t there but he had called earlier in the day and told you that it might’ve been better if he stayed back.

In truth, you understood exactly how he felt.

Part of you was ready to throw all caution out of the window when it came to Seungcheol and he felt it too. But at the same time, you knew it wouldn’t be that easy and that there were still things that the two of you needed to discuss before deep diving into intimacy, especially when it came to powerplay.

kitty_junjun: hey dont take this in a weird way but like

kitty_junjun: i feel like i saw u earlier today…

universe_WZ: ooo i never thought abt that before

sleepy_wonu has donated $75

xcaliburDK: have ppl recognized u irl before? :o

dom.cheol: i feel like i might’ve seen u irl before too…

Your cheeks bloom a hot pink; a nervous giggle on your lips. “Oh! I mean, yeah, there’s been a handful of times. I’ll wear wigs out sometimes though. Can’t have people calling me out in a grocery store, y’know?”

kitty_junjun: wait so maybe i did see u? I dont wanna give out locations tho…

“Maybe! I’m still out on my little weekend trip and I was out and about earlier~ if you see me next time, don’t hesitate to say hi! I promise I don’t bite~” You pause, leaning closer into the webcam as you wink.

“Unless you want me to~”

You start running a bath right after you end your show, stretching and turning on some music as you start to unwind. Thankfully you didn’t have a tiring show today, so you decided to take the rest of the night to pamper yourself in preparation for your day with Seungcheol.

Biting your lip, you pick up your phone, already seeing a multitude of messages from Seungcheol on your lockscreen.

cheollie ✨: don’t forget ur glass of water!

cheollie ✨: also don’t forget i’m picking you up at 9:30am

cheollie ✨: hope ur ready to spend all day at the roller rink with me baby

You can’t help but grin, already excited to see how Seungcheol spent his day at work. Typing a response, you quickly hit send before setting your phone down onto the nightstand and making your way to the bathroom.

‘I can’t wait! I’m so excited~ u promised me free skates and free food so don’t forget!!’

It’s exactly 9:29AM when Seungcheol messages you that he’s downstairs.

You check yourself in the mirror one last time, smoothing down your dress and hair and grabbing your bag before you rush down to meet Seungcheol. 

There’s a mild feeling of nervousness that pours over you, but you quickly shake it off once you see his blue headed figure standing outside of the lobby.

“‘Cheollie!”

He turns around to face you just as you stop in your tracks; gasping when you see the cute way he’s styled his hair for today. “Whoa… wow, uh, j-just.. Wow. You look great in bandanas...”

Seungcheol laughs, eyes forming crescents. “I don’t usually work the weekends so I thought I’d spice it up a little. Guess it looks good?” You can only nod shakily, mentally cursing yourself when you feel the arousal already pooling inside your body. He winks at you once, opening the passenger’s side door as you slide into his car.

“Hope you’re ready to have a boring day at the roller rink with me.” He gives you a tight lipped smile, shutting your door before he rounds the car to get in on the driver’s side.

“I’m telling you, it’s not going to be… y’know, anything crazy.”

“Who says it has to be! I’m excited to see where you work and anyway you promised!” You tease, poking him in the arm as he starts the car. “I know, I know… I just---I don’t want you to be disappointed. I bet you thought I was some rich old hotshot before, huh?” Seungcheol shoots you a glance, smiling gently.

“Mmm.. not really.”

“No? You didn’t think I was some lonely CEO with loads of money with a thing for camgirls?”

You laugh at his response, placing your hand over his on the gear shift.

“Nah, if there’s anything I thought about you, it was that you were way too nice to be on some camming website.”

The two of you have idle conversation as Seungcheol takes his time to drive to the roller rink. In all honesty, he was a little nervous himself, although he’d never say it to your face.

“Oh my god, is that it?! It’s so cute!”

He parks close to the entrance, turning the car off as he jogs over to your side to help you out. “‘Cheol, you know you don’t have to be so sweet~” You pout, latching onto his arm as he locks the car.

“Oh but I do. You deserve to be spoiled once in a while!”

A blush coats your cheeks yet again, shy eyes fixated on the floor as he walks you towards the entrance. “Yeah, but all you ever do is spoil me… That sybian was no joke and my god, Seungcheol, the price! I almost had half a mind to return it…” You end in a mumble. Seungcheol laughs, opening the door for you as you unlatch from his arm and step in first.

“You’re worth spoiling. Now stop worrying, okay? I promise I’m not up to anything illegal in order to afford your gifts.” Giggling, you lean up to kiss him on the cheek, nodding firmly.

“Fiiiiine, I trust you, y’know?”

“I know, baby. I trust you too, now let’s go meet my best friend who’s going to play butler for you today.”

He leads you over to the concession stand where an equally tall yet bored male stands. “Hey, Jeongguk!” The said male looks up from his phone, eyebrow quirking when the two of you walk up. “Uh, hey Seungcheol-hyung…” Seungcheol feels a weird tenseness fall over the three of you, clearing his throat to get Jeongguk’s attention when he finds the younger male staring.

“Um, this is my friend. She’s---uh, she’s gonna be hanging out here for the rest of the day. I promised her that you’d give her free food, so uh, just--just let me know how much it is so I can tell Namjoon to take it out of my paycheck.” Jeongguk grins, a sly look in his eyes when he finally meets Seungcheol’s concerned eyes.

“Sure! Can I talk to you over there? It’s about our paychecks actually.” Jeongguk turns to you, leaning over the counter. “Sorry, employee only info, ch--uuuuuh, you know the deal.”

“Yeah, of course!”

Jeongguk points off to the side, gesturing to Seungcheol who follows suit.

The younger male makes sure they’re a safe distance away, watching as you pluck your phone out of your purse before he starts talking in harsh whispers. “What the fuck, dude!? You’re---no, you’re not fucking Cherry. She doesn’t have a boyfriend so what the fuck?”

The blood drains from Seungcheol’s face; the feeling in his fingers going numb as his throat goes dry. “Wuh--what? What are you---what are you talking about?” Jeongguk scoffs, eyes rolling jokingly.

“So, hyung, how do you know her?”

“You’re asking me?! How do you know her!?” Seungcheol’s eye twitches just as Jeongguk shoots him an incredulous look, arms crossed in mock annoyance. “I’m a horny boy, what can I say.”

“Please do not ever use those words to describe yourself again.”

The younger male stands in silence, nodding in thought.  

“Fuck, wow, I should’ve noticed. All those extra shifts you were taking, the reason why you could never come hang… You don’t like working here as much as Yoongi-hyung but you--holy---holy shit, wait--you… you can’t be…”

Fuck, here it comes.

“You’re fucking ‘dom.cheol’ aren’t you? You’re the one always leaving her insane fuckin’ donations all the time… and the gifts.. Oh my god. The ‘cheol’ was from Seungcheol, I should’ve known...”

Seungcheol dies a million deaths inside his head; the ringing in his ears becoming unbearable while Jeongguk stares at him in mild disbelief. “It all clocks out, holy fuck. No wonder you were so fucking eager to pick up so many extra shifts…” Seungcheol’s mouth opens and closes a few times, unsure what to say.

“I mean, fuck hyung, I--I’m kind of impressed but wow. You think you know a guy, huh?” Jeongguk laughs, patting the older male on the shoulder. “She’s only one of the hottest camgirls out there right now. You’re a lucky man, hyung.”

A weird possessiveness washes over Seungcheol, hands gently balling up into fists at his side. “Okay, well, she… she’s just here to chill, alright? Don’t do anything weird. And most of all, don’t say anything weird either.” The younger male nods, already walking back to where you were standing.

“Hey, sorry, hyung’s paycheck is gonna be pretty sad next week and I had to let him down gently. Anyway, I’m Jeongguk. You are?”

You give him a fake name; shaking his hand over the counter as he grins at you.

“It’s my pleasure.”

You spend the first two hours on the floor skating; catching Seungcheol’s eyes on you from time to time as he sits nearby cleaning skates. The place seemed pretty empty, which was something that Seungcheol was immensely glad for.

Eventually you skate off out of the rink, making your way to Seungcheol who smiles at you when you come sit next to him. “Told you. Bored already, huh?” The two of you share a laugh, watching as the few other people continue to skate around the rink.

“I mean… it’s different! Right about now I’d usually be six episodes into a new series or something… It’s nice to be somewhere else and doing something different.”

He nods in return, slightly pouting when he turns to face you. “I hate that you have to go home tonight.” You mirror his sentiments, lips quirking into a sad smile.

“I know… I don’t wanna go home…”

Seungcheol bites the inside of his cheek, eyes flitting over to Jeongguk. “Hey, maybe we can bail a little early. This place is pretty dead anyway, and I--I can have Jeongguk clock me out when he leaves. My shift is supposed to end at 3PM and it’s noon now so… We can leave in a hour? Maybe get a late lunch?”

“Seungcheol… I don’t want you to get in trouble…” You mumble, brows furrowing in concern. “Really, it’s okay! We can just hang here ‘til then and still have time to get dinner!” He sighs, knowing you were right. Now was not the right time to be testing the waters with Jeongguk and Namjoon.

“Okay, okay, you win, baby.”

It takes 45 minutes.

45 minutes and a free drink from the concession stand before your mind starts wandering.

You watch Seungcheol converse with Jeongguk behind the concession stand; his cute laugh sending you into orbit when your eyes meet and you can’t stop the thrums of lust pouring over your body when a certain idea pops into your head.

Seungcheol turns his attention back to the younger male and you quickly start to unlace your skates and put your normal shoes back on before Seungcheol’s entire break gets taken up. 

You walk up to the two; Seungcheol cleaning off his hands before he exits from behind the counter.

“Seungcheol…” You softly call out; a look of concern crossing his features when he stops in front of you. “Hey, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, mmhmm! I just--I need to talk to you, if that’s okay?” Jeongguk already turns to leave, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

You drag Seungcheol away, tugging him towards an even emptier part of the roller rink as the concern builds up inside of him. “I have an idea.” He feels himself gulp, already anticipating what you have to say.

“And…?”

“Well… It’s… It won’t t-take long I don’t think, just… hear me out?” You question gently, head tilting cutely up at Seungcheol who already knows he can’t say no to you. “Okay, shoot.”

“Wh--what if we… film a small POV v-video… like, not a live one! Just a small upload on my channel to test the waters maybe? I just---you don’t have to say anything and--and it’ll be quick, and--and like, nothing major just a little, um, f-fingering and--oh my god, sorry, I shouldn’t have a-asked, that’s just---I’m s-sorry I was thinking about it and it kinda got to me and I’m---I’m kinda already wet just thinking about it and--”

“No, let’s… let’s do it. To be fair, people seem to like risqué public things like that right?” A crimson blush falls on Seungcheol’s cheeks as he turns the tables, wrapping a hand around your wrist as he walks you to the employee restroom. “It’s… there shouldn’t be anyone in here so we should be safe.” He mutters, checking to make sure before he ushers you inside and locks the door behind him.

“I don’t know what to do so you’ll have to guide me a little here, baby.”

You nod, pulling your phone out and opening the camera app. Scrolling, you put it in video mode, clicking the red button before passing it to Seungcheol. “I’ve never done it either but I’m sure I can just… crop it and I m-mean it’s meant to be a little shoddy, right?” You giggle nervously, body already on fire when Seungcheol makes the camera face you. “You don’t have to say anything if you’re not comfortable with your voice being in the video, I just need… this.”

You reach for his free hand, playing with it as you run your fingertips across the veins. “I’m sorry, daddy… I just… I couldn’t help but think about your fingers inside my tight pussy...” Seungcheol almost loses his grip on your phone; palm clammy when he watches as you bring his hand underneath your short dress.

“Please… please, won’t daddy fuck me with his fingers? I promise I’ll be good for the rest of the day if he lets me cum on his fingers…” You whine.

Seungcheol isn’t ready to have his voice heard yet, so he nods, fingers twitching in your hold.

You take this as an okay to continue, dragging his hand up until his knuckles graze your panties. “O-oh, fuck…”

This time Seungcheol takes the lead; his own body ablaze when he can already feel your wetness soaking through your panties. He presses into it, digging his fingers into the wet material until it sticks to you like a second skin. “D-daddy, please, please, put them inside, I need it!!” You mewl, trying to keep your voice down as much as possible while still being audible enough on camera.

He shoots you a look; one that tells you to hike your dress up until your soaking panties are seen through the camera lens. And you easily follow, holding your dress up as Seungcheol drops to his knees, angling the camera upwards until only his fingers and your clothed pussy are in view. You spread your legs a little more, back resting on the wall behind you.

“Please, I can’t wait any longer…”

He gulps once, saying a prayer before he slowly pushes your panties to the side. And you all but lose any semblance of sanity the second he runs his fingertips through your wetness, pussy clenching around emptiness. “Fuck--fuck me, please!”

Once Seungcheol deems his fingers wet enough, his eyes meet yours, asking for silent consent before he makes any further moves. You nod frantically, fingers gripping the material of your dress tightly.

Seungcheol bites his lip the second he starts sinking his first finger into your tight warmth; already feeling the drool pooling in his mouth when you moan loudly. He starts a slow pace, mentally noting just how obscenely wet you are when he drags his finger out slowly. “Ngh, daddy m-more, please, I can take it, I wanna be f-full~” He gives it a few more thrusts of his index finger before he adds his middle finger; this time slowly sinking both digits into your pussy as you whimper above him.

His eyes flit up, mesmerized when he sees your face contort in bliss. “O-oh my god, I’m--I’m already so close… Daddy’s fingers are so much bigger and thicker than mine, it fuh--feels so good…” You mutter; squirming when Seungcheol doesn’t move.

And it takes him a second; too fixated on the way your tight walls only seem to suck his fingers in deeper.

But he starts a moderate pace, scissoring and curling his fingers inside of you until you’re reduced to whines and soft breathy moans.

He can already feel you getting tighter around his fingers after a few more minutes; doubling his pace when you start to beg.

“Oh my god, oh my god, ‘m so close, fuck! P-please touch my clit, daddy, please make m-me c--cum!”

Seungcheol feels his cock throbbing in his pants but he focuses on you, thumb immediately on your clit as he rubs harsh and quick circles on the swollen nub. He doesn’t know how much time has passed or if his break is over, but the look of absolute pleasure on your face is enough to make him not care.

He curls his fingers into your g-spot, holding them still as he continuously rubs your clit until you’re cumming; thighs shaking as you let out shaky breaths above him.

“Oh m-my god, daddy!” You mumble in a hurried frenzy, thighs clamping around his hand between your legs as the pleasure washes over you.

Seungcheol lets you ride out your high, gently wiggling his fingers inside of you as he starts to slow down.

“Mmh… Seungcheol…”

Oh fuck.

He definitely liked it when you moaned his name. 

“Y-yes…?” It’s his cue to turn off the camera, shaky finger pressing the ‘stop’ button. He gently slides his fingers out of you, muttering an apology when you wince.

“You don’t have to say sorry! It’s just… ‘m sensitive…” You mewl, already missing the feeling of his fingers inside of you. “Y-yeah, of course! I, um, I hope that was okay? I’ll give you a second to get cleaned up, I’ll uh, run and get you some water.”

You nod in response, thanking him before he quickly washes off his hands and bolts out of the restroom; ears and cheeks redder than a tomato.

Once you’re alone, you quickly open your camera roll, clicking on the video as you hurriedly crop out the beginning and end, making sure that the short video didn’t have any incriminating details before you open up your camming homepage.

There’s a moment of unsureness that makes you pause. You bite the inside of your cheek, weighing the potential outcomes of posting this to your page. 

But before you can change your mind, you quickly start the upload; adding a title and a short description before you lock your phone to let it process.

In the meantime, you get cleaned up, checking your appearance in the mirror once before picking up your phone again. Unlocking it, you find the upload has finished and you exhale sharply, publishing the video before locking the device again.

You move to exit the restroom, already finding Seungcheol holding a bottle of water on the other side.

“Oh, there you are! Everything okay?”

“Mmhmm! I uploaded the video before I could change my mind so I’m a little nervous…” You trail off, accepting the bottle that Seungcheol passes you.

“Well, the good news is, we’re bailing, now. I told ‘Guk to clock me out so we should get out of here so I can get your mind off of that.”

He shoots you a genuine smile, offering his hand which you take.

“Let’s fuckin’ get some ice cream, I think we deserve it.”

Seungcheol takes you on a scenic drive, taking you to an ice cream shop further away from town.

The two of you sit down in a booth towards the back of the shop and he helps clear your head, talking about various topics to keep your mind off of the huge risk you’d just taken.

“Anyway, that’s one of the reasons why I’m never bar-hopping with ‘Guk again. He’s got no limit, nobody can keep up and nobody wants to keep paying the uber fees.” You laugh as Seungcheol finishes his story, taking a sip of your milkshake.

You can’t help but sigh after a few seconds, pouting at Seungcheol who blinks questioningly at you. “‘Cheollie, I don’t wanna go home…” He stares back, unsure of what to say. A million different thoughts run through his mind in the split second before he opens his mouth.

“Why don’t you stay with me for a couple more days?”

Seungcheol doesn’t understand the gravity of his words until they spill out of his mouth; a panicked look on his face when you go completely silent in the seat across from him. “I m-mean, uh, I mean, like, fuck. I’m sorry, that must’ve been way too out of bounds. I just---it’s just, you don’t want to go home and---and I can take care of you while you’re here! Even if it’s just a couple days. I can help you film too!” He curses himself for rambling; immediately shutting himself up.

“I--I don’t want to bother you, ‘Cheol… That’s really too kind of you…” A shy blush coats your skin; chewing on your bottom lip when you shyly avoid his gaze. “A-and my filming stuff is back home too… I brought a few toys with me so I could film my weekend shows but--but my camera…”

“I can ask Jeongguk!”

You shoot him a bewildered look, brow quirking. “He--he streams sometimes too, like, video games ‘n shit. He actually offered me his extra equipment a while back, if I ever wanted to get into it myself. I can ask to borrow it, if you want?”

You drink in his words, unsure. The thought of staying with Cheol might’ve danced across your mind a handful of times, but now that the offer was on the table, you weren’t sure how to respond.

You trusted Seungcheol, and you knew by now that he would never do anything to hurt or betray you. But this was a far leap from how things were the last time you’d seen him.

“Listen, I can see the cogs in your head turning, baby. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I’m not forcing your hand into anything you don’t want. But I know you’ve been wanting to get out a ‘lil more and… well, in truth, I think it’d be nice for both of us? I can take care of you while you’re here with me and we can keep each other company.” He pauses, smiling at you from across the booth. “But I can also take you back to your hotel room and let you pack so you don’t get home too late.”

“‘Cheol I trust you.. It’s just that… I’m s-scared…”

“Scared? Of what, baby?”

The warmth blooms inside of you; shy eyes meeting his.

“Scared that I’m not gonna wanna go home…”

Seungcheol takes it easy for the rest of the day and doesn’t make an effort to get an answer out of you. He takes you around the city, tugging you into shops he thinks you’d like and walking around with you aimlessly until the sun goes down.

But time seems to go even faster once he takes you to dinner; a sigh on his lips when he knows he has to bring the topic back up.

“I hate to ask but… I have to take you back to your hotel after this so…” Seungcheol trails off, leaving it open-ended for you.

“I know… I just want to know… Why do you like me so much?”

The question takes Seungcheol by surprise; eyes wide as saucers. “I--I’m sorry I don’t follow?” You chuckle under your breath, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“It’s just… we were strangers, kind of, before Friday, you know what I mean? And now you’re offering your place to me to just… crash at for a few days? What if I rob you blind? Or what--what if you try something with me that I don’t like?” You suddenly start catastrophizing; mind going a mile a minute with potential outcomes.

“Hey, whoa, whoa, wait. Calm down, sweetheart. It’s okay! Breathe!” You let out a shaky exhale, groaning as you hide your face in your palms. “God, ‘Cheol, ‘m sorry, I--I really want to stay with you for a few days. It’s just that my brain is going light speed and I can’t keep up. I really like you too, you’ve been nothing but kind and sweet and you’re so handsome, it’s just so crazy to me...” Your words are slightly muffled but Seungcheol catches it, a soft chuckle on his lips when he leans his head on his palm.

“I’ll sleep on the sofa and leave you alone. You can take the bed. Hell, you can even rob me blind and I’d say thank you.”

He reaches his free hand over, fingers circling your wrist as he pulls your hand down. “And I’m offering you my place because I like you as you. You’re cute and funny, and so fuckin’ humble. And I want to get to know you better. In person, y’know?”

“Y-yeah… I wanna get to know you better too. And it’s only a couple days right?”

“Right.”

Seungcheol drives you back to your hotel, a smile on his face when he sees you in better spirits.

He parks his car in front, turning to face you. “So I’ll just wait here while you grab your things and check out, okay? I’ll contact ‘Guk to see if I can swing by and take that extra equipment he offered.”

This time you nod cheerily, body buzzing with excitement as you hurriedly step out of his car. “I’ll be quick!”

He gives it a moment before he picks his phone up, taking a deep breath before typing out a message to the younger male.

‘Hey, ‘Guk I have a favour. Get back to me asap if u can.’

Jeon 🥴 : bold of u to msg me…

Confusion crosses Seungcheol’s features; fingers hovering over the keyboard. ‘What are you talking about?’

Jeongguk takes a second to send a screenshot, Seungcheol’s cheeks burning a crimson colour when he sees the content.

Jeon 🥴: it’s the employee restroom for me.

Jeon 🥴: bruh it’s also the fuckin way i knew it was u before i even played the video… fuck man is that why u too so long on ur break? u do kno u went over right, I clocked it cuz i was expecting u to come back sooner

Jeon 🥴: for the rec im not mad, actually im impressed just cant believe this is u

Seungcheol ignores Jeongguk’s messages, instead opening the screenshot again and re-reading the video title.

‘I was so needy… 🥺 so I asked daddy to finger me in public…’

Jeon 🥴: bitch i kno ur reading this im dropping the hyung bc u kept this from me!!

Jeon 🥴: after i even offered u my extra camming stuff u were already doing it behind my back…

Seungcheol rolls his eyes at the younger male’s dramatic nature, fingers quickly swiping across the keyboard.

‘Alright, I’m sorry okay? I just didn’t think my online habits needed to be public knowledge and for the record, that was the first time I’ve ever done anything like that. I promise no more secrets, unless absolutely necessary. And also speaking of that extra equipment, can I swing by and grab it from your place?’

Jeon 🥴: r u gonna cam now? u got one sip of the devils juice and now ur all in?

‘Would u stop being dramatic oh my god. It’s not for me, it’s for ‘cherry’. She’s going to be staying with me for a few days and I fully expect you to keep your mouth shut on this.’

Seungcheol grimaces when he calls you by your online handle; already feeling unfamiliar with it.

Jeon 🥴: o i c. sure, u can come pick it up, simp. I’ll make sure she’s got all the necessary things before u get here and u owe me one!! i fully expect u to come stream with me at least once for keeping ur secrets 

‘It’s a deal. I’ll be there in an hour and a half.’

A sigh escapes Seungcheol’s lips, his eyes dancing over to your figure that skips towards the car. He locks his phone just as you tap on the glass, popping the trunk before he steps out.

“How’d it go? All checked out?”

“Mmhmm! Did you get in contact with Jeongguk? What’d he say?”

A nervous laugh spills from his lips as he puts your small luggage in the trunk, slamming it shut before rounding the car to open your door. “I’ll help you get settled in at my place and then I’ll drive over really quick and grab the stuff from his place.”

You hop in his car, fiddling with the seatbelt until Seungcheol slides into the driver’s seat.

“He didn’t ask what you needed it for?” Gulp. Shit.

“I just told him that I was thinking about streaming, for--for gaming stuff. He was okay with it.”

He’d tell you the truth. Soon, he promises.

No. Now.

Seungcheol sighs, hands on the wheel as he stares straight ahead. “No, no, I--I can’t sit here and lie to you. Jeongguk knows you. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you earlier, I told him to keep his mouth shut because I didn’t want him to bother you while we were at the roller rink.”

“I--oh…”

He can only nod; eyes dancing over to you as you play with the hem of your dress. “Yeah, I--I’m really sorry. He--He also found out I was ‘dom.cheol’ too and, fuck, I--I don’t know, I kind of panicked too. I hid that part of me from everyone I know so it was just… it was a lot.”

You meet his sad eyes, shooting him a small smile of your own. “It’s okay! It’s a little funny that happens right after that ‘kitty_junjun’ says he saw me in person too, huh? I mean, thanks for trying to protect me at least. It must’ve been weird for you too.”

“Yeah… If you’re not comfortable anymore, I… I’d understand too.” Seungcheol prepares himself for the worst, knowing that there was a chance that this was goodbye.

“Are you kidding! What’s one person gonna do? And you said he’s your best friend and you trust him… I’ll have to take a leap of faith on that one but… I trust you.”

You lean over the center console, kissing him on the cheek. “And anyway, as long as he’s not one of those weirdos asking for ‘favours’, I think we’re in the clear, right?”

Seungcheol grimaces; as long as it’s from me and not you, he thinks.

[dog-teeth]

is there anything you wish you had known before starting T? are there any effects that you dislike? sorry if this is too personal, i'm just trying to make sure i'm making a good decision. i'm agender but i want to present more masc but i'm scared that i'll end up hating the effects of T even though there are some things that i really really want from it. also, i love your art!

no worries im honestly fine with talking about almost all transition/gender related stuff! im gonna talk (p non-explicitly) about sex and body stuff so i’ll put this under the cut

there aren’t any effects i dislike. when i started there were things that i was very nervous for because i thought i would hate them but ended up loving them. i prefer almost everything i experience on hrt, or i don’t care about it, so for example i LOVE my voice now & i love the way T makes me feel emotionally (both physiologically and psychologically), but i don’t care about having facial hair because i always shave it but it’s not that much of a hassle and sometimes stubble is cute. i don’t care for the body hair either bc i was already basically as hairy as a cis man pre-T, i even liked my old leg hair better because the texture was less coarse. the only thing i like better not on T is sexual sensations, but honestly i dont have sex so it doesn’t matter lol. i was v scared for bottom growth and was certain i would hate it but it actually rules i love it (i don’t love that i need like three times as much lube now tho cuz ur ability to naturally lubricate goes way down) also this was one of the most uncomfortable changes at first cuz it makes the clit very tender and sensitive and it will rub against your underwear and be really uncomfy with friction, so make sure u have soft underwear and loose pants. sorry for talking about my genitalia but tbh there is nowhere near enough information about trans bodies and its one of the least discussed aspects of hrt.

however, i was not always this content with taking T! it was a rocky start! there’s nothing that bothers me now, but when i was first starting, a lot bothered me. i was SO sweaty for NO reason, my voice HONKED like a third of the time i opened my mouth, i was VERY ANGRY very quickly, and i was so so hungry!!! snacking forever!! all of these things mellowed out over the first few months, i’m back to not sweating very much and being able to speak like a human person and my anger is actually significantly more manageable than it was pre-T because it comes and goes easily which means i no longer fester deep frustration and anger all the time. i think my appetite leveled out but it’s still higher than before, i gained a couple pounds but it wasn’t a lot.

i don’t want to pressure or sway anyones decision to take hrt, but i would say that your body and mind are so very capable of adapting to new things & even if you end up not liking some parts of hrt you will be able to deal with them and move on, and most of the things that are nerve-wracking end up being fine. its super super scary to try taking hrt since so much is permanent changes to your body. but you can always take a low dose to make the changes happen slower, and like i said you get used to things way easier than you think you will.

i was really really really scared and uncertain when i started T, but i’m so glad i made the jump to do it! i could never have imagined how much it would improve my life! there were so many things i was terrified of - doing irreparable “damage” to my body, regretting it, being read as male, certain specific physical effects, etc. i also didn’t know anybody irl who took T, just my beautiful lovely trans woman friend who started E years ago while we were friends, so seeing her go through the process inspired me a lot. we r both so sexy now like we were sexy before but honestly hrt has made us unstoppable & i love it for us. i definitely couldn’t have done it without her support. i’m getting off track, my point was that i didn’t know anybody on T so i couldn’t see firsthand what it was like, i was basically my own experiment, and it was so scary. but eventually i reached the mindset of “i’m so fucking miserable and something needs to change and i’m not 100% certain it’s this but i need to try because i can’t spend the rest of my life wondering about it and if i do end up hating it i’ll just fucking deal with it from there” i would def recommend being more certain than i was but i do think theres a lot about hrt you just wont know how youll react to until it happens. above all my fears, i just wanted it, and all my fears were very surface-level (what if i hate my body [i already hate my body] what if i hate how people percieve me [i already hate how people percieve me] what if it makes me miserable [i’m already miserable] what if i regret taking it [what if i regret not taking it or i miss out on an opportunity to be happy] )

i cant tell you if T is the right choice for you, but i can tell you that i also had fears and uncertainties before starting, and that if you do end up hating it you’ll be able to adapt.

[sputnikodin]

i’m also dating a he/him lesbian, and it is wonderful. highly recommend. great work all around. the only thing is that when i mention my boyfriend, i can tell people are confused, and ive had friends say “but i thought you were a lesbian…?” etc. im aware many people dont understand and i dont really care to explain it to them, but i also dont want people to think im “a lesbian who dates men.” i was just wondering, do you experience this? any tips?

i haven't run into this yet, since i haven't had many opportunities to talk about him with people who don't already know about him, but it IS something i've thought about a lot since i anticipate people reacting that way and since i'm a he/him lesbian myself and have deliberated over using those pronouns irl (instead of they/them which is what i currently default to in lgbt-friendly spaces, with he/him used by friends and friends of friends) because my relationship to being perceived as a man is a complicated one and i don't really know how i'd feel about (ostensibly) ~affirming~ that interpretation instead of just existing in the glorious limbo of Being Confusing. so i've seen it from the other side too basically

in my case, mar is also all right with being referred to as my partner (and with they/them pronouns), so thus far that's what i've called him when discussing him with people irl in order to avoid this kind of thing. i absolutely love calling him my boyfriend though and it's what i'd call him most of the time in an ideal world. i've been weighing in my head how much i really care about others' perceptions of me, how much i'm comfortable letting them interfere with my authenticity — how much does it really matter if someone else thinks i'm a man, or thinks i'm dating a man, if i know i'm not? (← the principle that underlies much of my experience as a transmasc lesbian; obviously contextually different depending on the degree of misperception and how much u desire it though.) if a stranger or acquaintance walks away assuming i'm a guy or with a guy, how much does that affect my life; will i be more okay with deviating from my preferences and my lover's preferences or more okay with being misunderstood? (i'm not trying to weight these questions towards "complete authenticity is always the morally upright way to go," by the way — obviously we as gay people know that a little surface-level dishonesty is sometimes necessary to let an authentic personal life blossom.)

with regards to discussing him with people who know me better, there are ways to buffer against that misinterpretation, though they aren't foolproof and can be unwieldy — when talking about him to irl friends when he and i first got together i'd often talk about the joy of dating another butch as a butch myself; i feel like even my lgbt friends who weren't familiar with the "he/him lesbian boyfriend" thing could make the connection between masculine presentation and masculine terminology without my having to elucidate it in words. i'm not opposed to doing a little "by the way, i use he/him for him and call him my boyfriend but we're both lesbians" spiel if i deem it necessary, either, at least in theory.

i think no matter what we do there will always be the risk of misunderstanding. and as someone for whom my lack of attraction to men is an important part of my experience as a person in the world, i don't disparage you or me or anyone else for wanting to avoid handing people the opportunity to interpret us as people who date men. but to some extent like ... i think it's one of those risks we take on, you know? plus some people are going to think i date men even if they never hear a word about mar — no matter how much of a dyke i look like (or openly say that i am), there will always be people who assume i'm still open to dating men. in the end, i lean more towards honoring the language i and he feel most comfortable with than honoring my worries about other people thinking i'm something i'm not. that's where i'm at at this point, at least.

[spaciebabie]

OKAY LISTEN-

MILES MORALES RAMBLING LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO

I LITERALLY LOVE HIM SO MUCH I WROTE A PAPER ABOUT HIM. THIS POST IS GOING TO BE A CLUSTER FUCK I HAVE TOO MANY THOUGHTS BOUNDING AROUND IN MY HEAD AND I NEED TO VOMIT THEM ONTO A POST

my favorite part abt miles is how he's characterized through his music...they literally employ the best genre possible for him in spider-verse. it's a genre rooted in black/latino history and is displayed to be a part of miles in such a wonderful way??? its never some big thing that he's part of hip-hop culture, its not some big statement, its just who he is. you could argue that hip-hop culture is a big deal as being a part of him, but im mostly referring to how in many stories w/a poc main character, they always have to have something to say about their identity. it's like yeah discussing these things are important, but also personhood goes far beyond skin color and heirarchial racial systems!!

miles is just chilling!! he's just some teen chillin in brooklyn and livin it up! his entire character isn't boiled down to, "i'm black so that's why i have to b spider-man" it's such a breath of fresh air honestly. i just want poc characters to exist w/out writers feeling the need to continually make them defend their existance. it's why ppl are offput from making minority inclusive characters i feel, they feel like they have to stand for something. like yeah your character can think those things!! but!! that can't be all there is to them!! minority characters dont have to be symbols of their respective group!! they can just exist b/c thats what happens irl!! ppl just are out there existing!!! poc characters deserve to be complex individuals that just so happen to hang around!!!

anyways....i also wanted to talk abt how spider-verse has such an incredible ost???? holy hell??? they take a genre of music that people have historically not been a fan of b/c of racism and they fkin use it to accompany miles!! in such a cool way!! you hear "start a riot" for instance, and someone out there would probably find the song distasteful of whatever but it fits miles so well!!! he's literally a hero dude and his music taste has no impact on how he's portrayed/percieved (well it does, i think most ppl agree they think the music he listens to is as cool, as he is).

they couldve just put some generic ass soundtack to accompany the movie but they took the extra step to make the movie unique!!! for miles!! and he's not portrayed antagonistically either, like many other shows do when they introduce a character w/hip-hop. hip-hop is treated like what it is!! just a genre of music/culture! do you know how many movies give you a nerdy, kind black character but have them reject hip-hop culture?! too many! or if they DO engage in hip-hop culture, they're characterized as antagonistic! which is! frustrating! you can have both! hip-hop is not a bad thing! do you realize how many cool characters like miles we've missed out on b/c of this?!

god they made miles so unique and COOL!!! i want to BE LIKE HIM BRO!!! the fact that they characterized him as an artist???? instead of as some rebellious teen marking the city just cause??? BEAUTIFUL. the way he shows love for his city by stamping/grafitiing it, spreading his art across the city? GORGEOUS. did you see his sketches in the latest trailer for spider-verse 2??? he's so good!! i love love love him soooo MUUUUUCH DUUUUUUDE. HE'S KIND, HE'S CARING, HE LOVES HIS CITY AND HIS FAMILY AND MUSIC, HE'S REALLY JUST SOME GUY.

HE JUST LIKE ME FR!!!

[mcytkinconfessions]

hey, so i dont know if this what T was trying to do but in one of your posts it sounded like you were trying to compare DAs to kins.

DA (delusional attachment) in itself is a horrible term (long story short it was coined by a really shitty person). a more accurate and medical terms for DAs would be delusional misidentification. due to it being a delusion people who experience this prefer to call themselves an "irl". since they really do think they are a different person in real life.

now, i'm not apart of the kin community anymore. i was in it rly young and decided to leave it behind after finding better ways of coping (i did kinning as a fun way to comfort myself like many others).

so i definitely am not one to talk over kins about what kinning is but i dont think it should really be involved with any delusions, yk? i remember you mentioning kintype caused by delusions to which i dont know what i should even say to that. /not neg, i genuinely dont know.

all i know is that delusional misidentification (something that comes along with other symptoms of psychosis) probably shouldnt be to mixed up with the kin community.

thats just me and my opinion though! just wanted add my thoughts on that post from dec 17th. also, please ignore this if it frustrates you. i dont want to start anything! ^^; /gen, nm

I always appreciate input from anyone, discussion is what this community is built on, and this came across as being in good faith, so I wanted to make sure I answered this right, hence it taking so long.

I’d genuinely love some sources on who coined DA and IRL, from my perspective I just turned around one day and suddenly so many people were using them.

From the sounds of it, you weren’t 'kin, ‘kin isn’t a verb or an action, so it’s not really something you can stop. It’s an involuntary identity.

How you believe you ended up identifying as the thing is mostly irrelevant to being otherkin, and some people don't have a reason, but it’s usually either metaphysical (ie. reincarnation, wrong soul, or any other spiritual belief) or psychological (funky brain stuff), so delusions can fall under psychological kintypes.

The pinned post has a whole page of links to resources on otherkin stuff if you’re interested.

-T

[sscactus5719]

Okay wow, alright time for my silly thoughts on the new Tommy lore stream because wow that was a lot.

Spoilers for Tommy's lore stream on 3/12/2021. Know that at this point I have only really seen his perspective and heard about others so I'll only be talking on his character and his reactions.

This is going to be long so prepare yourself, and know I am talking solely about characters the entire time, not the cc's.

(I am also very open for discussion because I am so curious to hear others opinions :) )

----

My thoughts on Tommy & Dream

TW//Manipulation & Abuse

To start off, Tommy is free now. He got out of prison and is now physically free of Dream.

But he really isn't.

Dream still looms over everything he does, every action he takes paved in fear and trauma that he knows is there. I like to believe the theory that Dream is attached to Tommy, and in doing what he did and traumatizing him to this extent he has made himself irreplaceable in Tommy's mind. Even if that is in the way Tommy wants him dead(whether for the good of the server or just a personal vendetta).

Also this is shown in the trident scene once again.

The first time was in exile, Tommy whispering how he is "all Alone"

The second after Dream is put away, screaming "I'm Free!"

The third after he leaves Prison, trying to fly again and feel free, but only receiving pain as he lands hard.

This kid wont ever be free of Dreams influence until the man is dead, and probably not even that will stop him. Because the effects of trauma dont end after the abuser is dead.

I could go on for hours about their relationship now, but I'm going to stop before I get too rambly.

---

My thoughts on Tommy and Tubbo/Ranboo

Dear lord the children have just received more trauma.

To start this one, I don't feel as if Tommy's character feeling replaced is out of bounds or a bad storyline. Tommy has always been a bit possessive of Tubbo, his loyalty and devotion to him only escalated due to the end of the disc war.

He no longer had to choose between the peices of a past life he missed so dearly and his best friend standing in front of him.

But now he feels replaced, and that is totally valid response, especially for someone who has felt like people move on or forget him so quickly. Even though it felt like months to Tommy, it had only been about 3/4 days he was thought dead if we are going with irl time.

Also, while I wish the flower was more cared for, that is the result of being trapped with an abuser for a long period of time, dying and being brought back to life shattered. He probably didn't even realize the sentimental value, or incorrectly guessed the value in a moment of panic.

Because you put flowers on a grave, a casket, and everyone was exclaiming Tommy's death.

(Ranboo also has everything Tommy could have wanted at this point[Tubbo's friendship, respect and acknowledgment beyond anger, a decent relationship with Techno.] To Tommy's knowledge, Ranboo is happy.

Miscommunication is the big thing here, and truely talking it out will probably solve a lot of issues with how Tommy feels, so HOPEFULLY Tommy(well basically everybody) gets some therapy and can take those steps.

----

My thoughts on c!Tommy and c!Jack Manifold's.

TO PREFACE, I DON'T KNOW MUCH ON JACK (dont know jack about jack haha), I HAVEN'T WATCHED MANY OF HIS STREAMS.

But I don't see either side of the party in the right or wrong here. We're in that gray area most of the SMP sits in of, both characters acting out or not because of emotions unregulated.

Jack was angry Tommy was alive, saying he grieved even after all Tommy had done to him. He tried to visit in exile and Tommy forgot about him. He even brings up the nukes to kill him. He said Tommy should have stayed dead, and shouted about how the hotel should have been his. That Tommy is selfish and did nothing to deserve this.

Tommy shoots back with anger and frustration and desperation for Jack to see he has changed and bigger things are happening that he doesn't see. That he has changed in drastic ways because he DIED, but he interrupts and Jack takes it badly.

He says Tommy is making it all about him, "thinking he is all that" because he died. As if the server hadn't crafted him into the perfect soldier and perfect hero long ago and as if it isn't forcing him to play the role like a good little puppet.

Tommy is forced into the main characters role, but with all the consequences of a real leader. No plot armor can protect him, and Jack is a perfect example of that.

Anyways, this entire interaction was filled with terrible miscommunication and anger that hasn't been processed properly. Two parties that are hurting but not being heard out.

Therapy is definitely a must.

----

My thoughts on Tommy's character now.

PLEASE GET SOME THERAPY

Honestly this child just needs to catch a break. He keeps setting higher goals for himself to reach to distract him from what he has faced, but he can't do it anymore.

Tommy cannot be a child anymore, he is being forced into the adult role, the hero role, so aggressively that he was forced to continue his life to continue it.

Tommy has experienced Trauma after Trauma, and been made to keep walking.

It's never his time to die if you remember.

Tommy has suffered, and while he isn't a perfect character, while he is flawed, he hasn't deserved the lot his has been thrown. The cards he has been given.

Maybe that's why they play solitaire in the afterlife. You don't get to pick your cards there, only where you play them.

But he honestly just needs someone to help him, he needs a support system he can rely upon. He needs someone there to help him keep going.

At this point, it'll probably be Puffy.

---

My little thoughts for the continuing of Tommy

Just let him leave. Let him leave the main portion of the Dream SMP, alone or with Puffy(preferred). Let him just leave everything, forcibly taking himself from the story. Let him breath and not have to worry about the server's well being, or Dream or Wilbur.

Let him be the kid who has been traumatized but is getting help.

Therapy arc please??

Also I really hope Tommy and Techno become friends again. Or at least they dont hate each other(more Techno hating Tommy, because I dont think the sentiment is returned). I think I've included this in every post I've made, but their relationship makes me sad and I miss it :(

ANYWAYS

TLDR; Everyone needs therapy, even the therapist, and Dream is a terrible person.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading my thoughts! I have had a lot bottled up and this was a nice outlet. The Dream SMP is really fun to talk about, so I hope it keeps going like this. Please have a wonderful day!

[ceasarslegion]

This poem's really stuck with me since I first read it, and unfortunately I can't find it right now, but it goes something like "the child expects the world to be fair and just, and gets upset when it is not. And the child is right." Obviously, I'm super paraphrasing it, but I can't dig it up for the life of me right now

And this other concept has really stuck with me, as well. When I was watching Abigail Thorn's coming out video, Rhys talked about how you are simultaneously every past version of yourself at once, including your child self.

I've been getting a lot more targeted harassment since around when Elliot Page came out. Obviously, it's not his fault at all, it's the TERFs and run of the mill transphobes and the politicians screaming trans panic who took that and ran with it, which is disgusting and deplorable how they turned something so amazing for transmascs like me into another rehash of "wE'rE lOsInG aLl OuR dAuGhTeRs!!"

I mean, shit. It wasn't even that long ago when that stupid transphobic book came out that was titled something like "the gender panic plagueing our daughters" or whatever the fuck.

Plus there's so much community infighting lately because so many of y'all really do view oppression as a pokemon type damage chart instead of realizing that multiple things can be true at once, ie transfems and transmascs are both oppressed in different ways, so stop acting like either wanting recognition is ever taking anything away from the other. Other oppressed people are not your goddamn enemy

I don't know, I just... it's not even all the big things that are getting to me lately. It's the little things. Like when I've made it clear multiple times that I'm not comfortable being referred to as anything feminine, even slang. I try to be polite about it, say "please don't call me queen, or girl, or sis, it makes me very uncomfortable because of how hard I've fought to have my masculinity recognized" and people take it personally. People act like I'm calling femininity a bad thing, or that I'm making a totally unrealistic expectation of them, when I just said that I, personally, don't like this thing, so please don't do it to me, personally.

I think a good example would be a while back. I've gone by the nickname Dames since I first picked my name. It came pretty naturally from my high school friends, and I thought it was nice, I liked it, so I naturally kept it IRL and tagged all my personal posts with it. And evidentally my longer followers like it too, because I always get asks where people refer to me as Dames. That's me to all of you, right? It's a major indicator of the guy behind this weird internet facade tens of thousands of y'all saw some value in following. And good on him for only having followers on the one social media where that counts absolutely jack shit for, am I right?

I'm bound to get anon hate with numbers like that, it's expected, I'm not usually vexed by it. 9/10 times I just block and move on or find a way to make it funny, but a while back I got one that really kinda... stung. Mostly because it felt so targeted. Like, the others are usually just people trying to tell me what to post on my own blog or some shit about how my latest shitpost making the rounds sucks, but no one's ever gone for the nickname before this person. Not a single anon has ever told me that my nickname is shit, especially not with such targeted phrasing as "girl if you dont STOP calling yourself dames i refuse". I ended up making fun of them on here if y'all were here for it but it really kinda got to me in reality.

And I know what most people would say: "dont feed the trolls" "dont engage" "just block and move on" but I do have a few criticisms of that mentality. For one, it puts the onus on the person getting harassed to be the bigger person without ever addressing why the internet makes these people feel like this shit is acceptable, or how to fix that. To be clear, I don't know how to fix it, I just know it's a serious problem that disproportionately affects marginalized people online, especially those of us who have a bit of a platform to speak of and are therefore more visible, so it should be discussed more instead of just chalking it up to the lawless internet.

Second, on a more individual level, what the fuck has to be wrong with someone to actively go and figure out whats important to someone's sense of identity and then shit on it to them? I assume it was to get a rise out of me which I didn't really give them in the moment before I blocked them, but the total lack of acknowledgement of another person and the cold, calculating callousness is what does it for me.

I still go by Dames, but sometimes it gets to me. Like what if it is stupid? What if everyone does hate it? I didn't have these thoughts before I got that targeted harassment for no real reason than existing in a way this person found worthy of ridicule.

I think it goes back to what I was talking about before. The child part of me remembers how strong his sense of morality was, and how angry and betrayed he felt when things were unfair or unjust, or people were shitty to each other for no reason. He expects people to be better, to acknowledge that other people are people and to respect each other even on a platform as lawless as the internet. He's the part of me that's so hurt when this thing happens. And others always tell him that he's just naive, he shouldn't have responded, don't feed the trolls, etc etc without ever asking WHY this environment exists in the first place. It's not his fault for being hurt, that's a natural reaction, it's the bully's fault for kicking someone who's been systemically downed in one of the few places he comes for refuge and feels validated by.

The child is angry, the child says that people should be just and the world should be fair, and people say that the child is naive, but the child is right.

[snarky-bee]

I got tagged in this and meant to do it last night and forgot because i got distracted :)  here ya go @antivan-beau WRITERS if you see this and want to do it consider yourself tagged and feel free to tag me to see your responses!

How many works do you have on AO3?

25 works?? hello?? How did that happen

What’s your total AO3 words count?

Whatever I last published recently pushed me over the 200k mark at 200,980! 

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Zevran is Home - Post-Blight fic featuring Kallian and their daughter <3

4. Daddy’s Girl - Tabris family visit with the good good dad!zevran which apparently people like given number 4 and 5 on this list.

3. Red Sunrise - Longfic! My canonical retelling of Origins featuring my warden Kallian and Zev. I’m so proud of this monster.

2. That Look - Surprise surprise, it’s smut. I still like this one because it preludes the smutty goodness with some fun card games and teasing between Kal and Zev.

1. The Taste of a Lover - Who doesn’t love oral sex amirite. That’s what this smut piece is about. Zev has great oral skills 😉

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely. I love letting people know their thoughts are appreciated and getting to gush a little more about certain moments or plot points. I have met many friends through comment discussions. And keeping the previous response on here down below because... yes that is how we met 😌🙏

Also I met my literal, irl girlfriend through AO3 comments, so ~you never know~

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Definitely It Had Claws. It deals with deep depression so it’s fairly heavy emotionally and I deeply love this fic for what it allowed me to express. 

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Hmm I’ve written quite a few short fics that is largely just fluff so it’s hard to say about happy ending. I suppose for one that starts out tense but ends happiest would be To Rescue Her which is a Zev POV of rescuing the warden from Fort Drakon.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

I do toy with AU’s but never done a direct crossover. 

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Luckily not lol

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Sure do! I tend towards writing kink scenes to be honest. I have several fics up on AO3, with some being kink and others just exploring a relationship kind of scenes. Someday would love to finish the vampire smut I have hiding away lmao.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have not, but would never say no to translation.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A couple of times actually. As for an actual published one, I wrote When All the Elves Love Each Other with @raymurata and its a fun OT3 story where our respective OCs talk to their best friends about the dynamics of their relationship (and get concerned voices wondering if their partner is cheating)

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Zevwarden. If its not clear by every fic on my AO3 and that was listed here lol.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I’m afeared i will never finish my mutant AU WIP. I keep restarting it and being unsatisfied but the idea has literally lived in my head for years at this point. 

What are your writing strengths?

I love love love dialogue. I don’t usually fret too much about character voices and it feels easy to follow the natural flow of conversation. I’ve been told I’m also good at writing fight scenes which came as a surprise because I find them challenging but I’m glad it pays off. I’m really visually minded so I guess seeing how it all plays out in my head makes it a bit easier.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I’ve been on a block for a long long time so i’m trying to resist saying EVERYTHING right now. But I do worry about pacing. Sometimes I want to just jump straight to the next interesting thing, sometimes I think I spend too long on conversations or setup that the reader doesnt really need. 

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

It’s usually done poorly lol. Either translated weirdly, out of place, or you know the “oops sorry I forget to switch sometimes” kind of writing. If someone is mixing a word or two of another language in with what they are saying it doesn’t seem weird to include it (like swearing or endearments) but I think it tends to look cleaner if it just says “they spoke in x language.” Even if writing out dialogue in that other language - I’ll use Antivan for example lol - just write it in English and say it was Antivan if your POV character does indeed understand it. And if they dont understand it, no need to write it out at all. 

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Lol it was TWILIGHT. 

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

This is silly but its still probably Drunk Warden is Drunk because I had so much fun writing it, I still love it now even though its a few years old, and there’s not a single thing I would change about it. 

[avenger-hawk]

YEAH when it comes to Team Taka, he obviously selected them for their abilities and wants them to help him with his goal to kill Itachi BUT he was also completely cool with it if they didn't want to n never guilt trip them (i freed u u have a moral obligation to help me). 16yr old me n still now think its so fucking cool. one of the kindest gestures in the series n i think what makes it kind also is that Sasuke never makes it a big royal deal about it. He is refreshing and comfortable like that. Someone that I can sit next to n not feel pressured to make conversation. But when I started to navigate the fanfiction realm with those huge ass word counts (i thought maybe the character study would be better n more detailed) and straight pairings with Sasuke he's so domineering and sexually charged and top! I went from (?) to (?????????????) very fast, dont get me wrong, they write better than me anyday n i know no one's lens of a character is exactly the same, but it was pretty jarring to me. So many people thought along those lines, I actually felt really insecure, not easy to be the minority in such a big fandom (along with my other not so popular feelings), feeling a bit lonely as I read discourse, I wasnt great with tumblr back then awkward in finding 'mutuals', also seeing how people attack others with different opinions. even my friends who like Naruto believed that popular opinion. I wasn't the best analyst, and still isn't, I would often think 'am I the one feeling it wrong?' It's been a ride with the series, it is precious to me, but I find it more comfortable n easy to enjoy it now (also I'm better with tumblr lol) as the heat is not as flaming n that I'm older n not be as insecure about my stance on the series so frequently and intensely.

Yup Sasuke respects people and with Taka he showed that he appreciates their strength and values them, and he genuinely wanted to help them, and even though he needed them to find Itachi he was ok if they didn’t accept. He’s the most tolerant and less imposing character and yet ppl see him as an arrogant domineering top who’s also a pervert and incredibly jealous and possessive. it’s crazy how dumb fans can be if they see such oocness.

Tbh to me it’s also crazy how ppl can have problems not being able to speak out their opinion because the majority has another, especially when it’s so blatantly wrong. I’m glad you now feel less limited and I’m sorry for your insecurities from back then but as someone who is insecure on many things, and who never had friends irl to discuss the manga (my ex was a fan but he didn’t like ships and stuff so it was only canon discussion), and as someone who always had unpopular opinions, on one side I understand that it’s frustrating, but on the other side I find frustrating how you guys complain about this instead of not giving a f**k about ppl’s opinion and idk, do your thing? ignore those who are different? you don’t have to read discours actually, it’s not a duty. And you don’t have to interact with ppl necessarily, if you disagree with them.

Also, if you find those opinions so wrong, because they are, can’t you use your blog to show how wrong they are? Not shitting on them necessarily, not engaging in discussions with them, but taking canon moments and writing about them.

I find so many things ooc, not just the shitty characterizations but all this shisuixsakura in the shisui tag, all the fluff everywhere for a series that is canonically darker than you admit, and all those black Sasuke &co (I mean, they’re not. clearly. don’t get me wrong, I hate when artists draw characters as super ‘caucasian’ as they call them lol, sometimes I see pink skinned everyone and those northern chins and noses and I cringe lol...and I actually don’t like characters drawn in a ‘realistic’ way when some race prevails over another, cause I like them to be unclear, since you know they’re drawings...so I don’t have a problem with it btw because I know it’s self indulgent, I just have to mention it because it IS ooc) BUT one thing about all these things that I approve is how they like the thing and do it. Even if it’s not IC, or it doesn’t make sense. So I kinda like those black characters because they’re bold lol

edit: I remembered having discussed with a veeeery popular author for the Sas*ita fandom, her characterization influenced all SI stans basically. And she admitted that she was writing her own perception, based not on the whole story but on like the parts of the story she liked more. Basically she didn’t consider canon Edo Tensei Itachi, because it went against her ideas, and the brothers’ dynamics were not her thing either because Sasuke obeyed to him too easily. But that’s canon right? So, the author most liked by SI shippers admitted that she was writing her own fave dynamic, refusing canon parts she doesn’t like, and she didn’t give a damn about it. I’m not even criticizing her! I’m saying she does what she wants, she’s an author writing for her own pleasure first. But it’s funny that 1) SI stans took her ideas as better than canon and bashed IS for seeing things in a different way 2) she does what she wants even tho it’s clearly OOC and she’s seen as a great analyst while others who do the same are seen as wrong

And at the same time those who like things/dynamics/characterizations that are not ‘popular’ are afraid to express it, why? I said it over and over and I’m not gonna say it anymore cause I’m frustrated. those who don’t express what they think online because they are afraid are playing by the majority rules and they are harming the rest of the fandom, contributing to the silencing of unpopular opinions. You are just as guilty as those who attack others if you are too coward to speak out.

And since I had enough of all this and I’m pissed off by the lack of courage of so many ppl, it’s useless to seek my comprehension cause I’m not gonna give you any. I’m sick of tired of discourse over the same bullshit over and over, I’m sick and tired of ppl complaining about discourse but not doing anything cool instead, only complaining. As if the only thing ppl can do is watch others instead of being themselves not caring about them. You aren’t better than those you criticize, if the only thing you do is criticize them, not even in your blog, not even in their dumbass faces, but using someone else’s space, like my blog, in anon form, to complain.

Y’all like Sasuke, the one who told his former teammates that he’d gonna be Hokage and change the system. During a war. Even tho he was considered a criminal by all of them. And you are afraid of some dumbass online calling you wrong? Suit yourself, but not in my blog.

Hawk out.